St Kevin’s Glendalough has banned coffees and all other hot drinks from school pickup. 

The junior school head James Daly has notified parents that hot drinks are not allowed within the primary school grounds as they are not compatible with “active boys” and “flying objects”. 

 “I respectfully remind parents that bringing hot drinks into the schoolyard, classroom or other areas where students are present, is not allowed,” he said. 

The drinks he said, are a personal choice coffee “unless of course you carry that cup of steaming hot beverage into a playground filled with active children and flying balls”.

He then went off on a bizarre tangent about dehydration, plastic water bottles and…Barry Humphries…

“To my knowledge, there has never been a known case of dehydration in this schoolyard or in these classrooms.”

“A decade or so ago, there began the phenomenon of people taking plastic water bottles with them wherever they went. What an environmental disaster those plastic bottles have turned out to be!” he said.

“With horror (Barry Humphries) noted that patrons even brought their water bottles into his performances which completely mystified him. To his knowledge, he said, there had been no known cases of dehydration during a Barry Humphries’ show,” Mr Daly wrote.

“It seems this obsession has morphed from water to takeaway coffees.”

“Where and when is a takeaway coffee cup appropriate and how does one responsibly dispose of it? They’re all good questions for another time,” he said.

We’re not entirely sure “where and when is a takeaway coffee cup appropriate” is the most pressing question facing our community…but if you’re a hardworking parent in the morning, coffee is a human right! 

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Gold 104.3 Melbourne